How to Know What to Focus on Next (What 5 things do you hate about yourself)
Goals are great, but if you're like many people there are likely a few goals that you just can't seem to get to. Maybe it's losing weight, or making more money... whatever it is - just think about that goal you just can't seem to reach, or if you can reach it, that you can't maintain.
Now, instead of looking forward and focusing on the goal, let's try a different approach and look inward. Why? Well, if you've been wanting to reach the goal but can't seem to make it happen you've already proven to yourself that you don't know how to reach the goal, and that's totally fine.
Change the Focus of the Goal
Instead of focusing on the goal, what are 5 things that you currently don't like about yourself? This will make up your 'Old Me' list.
Here's an example:
- I'm flabby and soft
- I'm bad with numbers
- I'm too easygoing
- I secretly eat
- I vape / smoke
- I'm too busy all the time
It can be painful to write these things out, but really you're just writing out what is and you don't need to feel bad about it at all. You're simply documenting where things are at right now, and the future can be anything you want it to be.
Ok, got your list?
Seriously, just take a few moments to write out 5 things. If you have more, that's fine, but you don't want to overwhelm yourself, so go with the 5 that you don't like about yourself most.
What is the Opposite?
With your list of 5 things, now write out what the opposite would look like, and try to put some emotion behind it.
These new things will make up your 'New Me' list.
Here's what it could look like:
,
| Old Me | New Me |
|---|---|
| I'm flabby and soft | Sharp, hard - like a goddamn wolf. Not afraid to take 2h in the gym if that's what's needed |
| I'm bad with numbers | Eats numbers for breakfast |
| I'm too easygoing | Precise, focused |
| I secretly eat | Enjoys cooking good food and learning about and eating new healthy recipes. Says no to sugar |
| I vape / smoke | Clean air only |
Where This Idea Came From
When struggling with a problem, I wondered... How would someone else who is majorly accomplished in this area approach the same situation. They likely wouldn't have any issue at all solving it.
The real heart of this idea came from Costanza Theory, as in George Costanza from Seinfield where after realizing that his own thoughts would usually betray him, he just decided to do the opposite of whatever he thought was a good idea.
So your 'Old Me' list is how you've been approaching the world, and your 'New Me' list shows you the way forward.
Putting it into action
With your two lists in hand, now it's time to choose one to focus on. How you choose to do that is entirely up to you, but generally, it comes down to one of two paths:
- If you don't know what to do - learn, or hire a coach
- If you do know what to do - then simply take the necessary action to move yourself forward.
And then just focus on working on one thing at a time and don't stop working on your initial list of 5 things until you are finished ALL of them. For me, when I made my initial list, it took me about 5 years to 'complete' all of them and change into the new version of myself.
Remember that it's not a race, and simply having listed out the things you don't like about yourself is likely a huge step in looking at the mirror to see what's really there and by doing the work to change you'll be well on your way to accomplishing a major transformation that will lead to all kinds of new exciting possibilities for your life.